We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
