I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
