just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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