is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
