I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
