i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
