You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
