the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
