saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
