The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
