You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
