you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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