I can tuck mytits in my pants
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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