I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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