hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
