I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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