So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
