So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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