He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
