just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
