He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm getting married
To pizza
They are going to name an STD after you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
