An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
