Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
