I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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