Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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