She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
