My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How does one acquire holy water?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
