I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
