1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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