This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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