that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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