So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
