Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
