They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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