is your mom at the bar?
you will always have a special place in my vag
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
