yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
