***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
