why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
