He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize