It's Friday. Sex?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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