I just cut my nipple shaving
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
