oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
two words...techno handjob
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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