Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
