I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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