the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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