Define "chronic" masturbator.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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