There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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