remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize