Having a random hookup so left but love u
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
