Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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