i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
