Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
