my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
