Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
