Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
