Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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