Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
