I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
