There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
