hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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