I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
