dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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