She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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