She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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