My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Someone signed my nipple.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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