sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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