it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
