this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
